It has been a constant nagging question in my head. Something that bores into my very soul. Yet, I still do not have an answer. If I could stare into that mirror I could tell you the parts that make me whole, but I can’t give a definitive answer. I don’t know anymore. Which has affected me of late. I have no drive…
Let me start back from the recent past. After too long being depressed, I finally got out. It was great things were going well. I found three jobs and other, what I thought was, good things started sprouting up. Little did I know, most if not all, were going to be taken away rather quick or a long agonizing delay to where I am now… searching… again.
So I am left with this perpetual question. Who Am I? I am left with no answer. I have once again dug myself a hug hoping to bury the past, but I’ve buried myself in it. I am not step closer to finding a way out. I’m tired. I’ve long endured my own obsession with always doing the right thing.
It’s like a weed. It grows so slow and consumes me without my knowledge that all I think about is that. Even if I do the right thing, I always question it. I can’t shake it. I agonize over it. I burden myself with it.
I’ve always been told who I should be, but rarely do I ever see someone just sit down and listen. I’ve built sandcastles that only have been washed away by the harsh realities of life. I’m hopefully I will find a way out, but I seriously have no energy to do it. The only way I could end this is like this. Life is a long journey that takes discipline, hope and patience. Life will throw you into that pit. Life will make you own up to what you say. Life will judge you on your character. It’s up to you to find the answer that I still cannot find. Who are you?